Digging a little deeper...

29 September 2013

If you’re finding yourself stressed at work, at home, about money, a relationship, or lack of one, I can guarantee that behind this external situation lies a deeply buried root-cause.

Our outer, adult life-situations we are each grappling with are arenas in which our deeply buried complexes are being played out on a daily basis.

What lies behind every situation we are in, difficulties are work, with our partner or inability to sustain a relationship, are unconscious and repressed wounds, pain and patterns from our early childhood.

It you’re stressed, i.e. tense, agitated, down, anxious and tired, and if you’re trying to control all of this within yourself and in the outer situation, and in particular if you are avoiding feeling your own sense of vulnerability, then I can assure you that a complex is at work at full force inside you.

And, on top of this, if you don’t allow yourself to “crack”, i.e. cry, you can also be sure that your external life-situation will not improve, in fact, it will most likely get worse.

Usually resulting instead in a long-term issue manifesting, i.e. long-term stress, an illness or disease, and or emotional breakdown, or an addiction forming/worsening, in order to cope. Leading potentially to a loss of a job, a partner, friends, health and general sense of well-being.

What do I mean then by complexes? From a Jungian perspective, a complex is usually referred to as a Mother or Father complex, and we all have these operating in us, to varying degrees and in varying manners.

A complex itself is a form of autonomous energy that gets triggered from our emotional and conditioned response to life situations and relationship dynamics. This energy starts to “run us”, unconsciously directing our thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Often leading to self-isolating patterns and/or destructive relationship patterns with others in our lives.

Before we know it, we’re dreading dealing with our boss (who unconsciously reminds us of our mother or father), or we’re avoiding a friend deliberately out of the need to feed our complex that is in full swing.

In intimate relationships, we experience our partner unconsciously as our over-bearing mother if we’re male, or our god-like figure, if we’re female and historically we were “daddy’s little girl”.

In a nutshell then, whilst your outer, adult life circumstances are very visible and easy to describe and explain to yourself and others as the cause of your current source of stress, in actuality, there are very powerful, invisible dynamics running in you from way, way back, that are in fact, the root cause.

That long-held, and so commonly belief of “I’m not good enough” is usually the starting point, yet we fail to even hear that now we’re so used to it, and our behaviours are so automatic that before we know it, we’ve reacted in familiar destructive ways, that are a real threat to our livelihood and relationships.

Yet bringing those hidden dynamics into the light, leads to: a) a sense of relief and usually healing, stress-reducing tears, and, b) the start of the process of changing how you think and behave as an adult. This can be done with a therapist or through interactions with horses in a safe setting with a qualified practitioner.

After all, your boss, colleague, friend or partner is not your mother or father, and you are not five years old, dependent and powerless now. So ultimately, the end goal is personal empowerment, confidence and free will to direct your life in a clearer, healthier way.

© Angela Dunning, Eponaquest EFL Facilitator, 29 September 2013